Hurting Slowly, Healing Slower

Thomas’s friends told him to do it the same as when taking off a band-aid; quick and painless. Thomas considered this possibility because he didn’t like pain, especially of the heartbreak variety. However, he couldn’t quite handle the metaphor of a discarded band-aid to represent the last two years of his life, the love that he so carefully and intensely painted with bright strokes of commitment and affection. Furthermore, he resented the idea that his original self needed a bandage in the first place. What is it about relationships that make people think they are a means of completion?

“You complete me.”

“You fill me up.”

Bullshit. Is it not possible that Thomas went into the relationship as a complete person? Is it not possible that Thomas was not empty when he was looking for a girl to love?

Thomas would not rip her off quickly and painlessly. He would not discard her and forget about her as soon as the scar faded. Thomas wanted to hold on to this feeling of loss that follows the end of a relationship because he felt there was something to learn from it. Thomas believes that the strongest people in the world are those that can still learn when they are at their weakest.

She, the girl who has left him at his weakest, lives down the hall in his dorm. She still leaves her door unlocked. He still crawls into her bed every night and she rolls over to hold him. A lot of people might think it weird that Thomas stills sleeps with the girl he broke up with, but those same people think relationships are analogous to band aids. Thomas knows this whole breakup business will be hard work that won’t happen in a single fight, no matter how hard they yell or hit or cry. Thomas knows these things take time and he’s never pretended otherwise. She asks him to stop coming in but she still leaves her door unlocked.

Thomas knows this must stop and has always known this. Every morning he leaves her warm sheets a bit earlier. Eventually he starts crawling in later in the night. After a month or two, he’s not even falling asleep with her. And although that moment he spends in her presence is probably still the best moment in his day, he begins to think of her less. In no time at all, he just lies down, hugs her, and tucks her in. One night he just opens her door, looks for a moment, and goes back to his own bed. The next he just pushes it open a crack. By now, she no longer expects him to come in at all. A week later he just taps on her door, ever so gently.

She doesn’t hear it but her sleeping body shifts to make room for a boy who is no longer there.